Chrisette Michele Becomes First Black Woman to Cry White Tears After Label, Black People Kick Her To Curb

Our “bridge” is falling down.

It was only a few months ago that Chrisette Michele peered into an envelope containing a check and proposal from orange Hitler, chucked up the deuces to the black community and hopped into a limo headed to be the featured shucker at Donald Trump’s white supremacist takeover bash in auguration concert. Saying she was “willing to be a bridge” to the black community, Michelle proudly took the bag of money in exchange for serenading the soulless.

Now that her record company has canceled her album, she wants to share her story of strength, perseverance and resilience with black people in the hopes that Black America will re-embrace her and purchase her spectacularly mediocre new single “Strong Black Woman.” (To be fair I only made it through the first four bars. After I heard “Boy you know how I feel about you. I rock with you, can’t live without you…” I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to get better.)

On Friday, Michele revealed that her record label has dropped her in a series of Instagram posts:

https://www.instagram.com/p/BaxN0lNDlG-/

“If social media wanted to pull me down, I guess they succeeded as it pertains to Capitol & Caroline records,” Chrisette’s post began. “I complete an entire album and my label decides to walk away from me.”

Michele also revealed that she had been suicidal and found herself naked in bed lying next to a bottle of Bacardi and a container of Xanax pills (Which sounds like the first line of an upcoming mumble-rap song by Future featuring Young Thug).

Going all out in the melodrama department, Michele revealed that she miscarried a child during the turbulent period after she chose to sing at Trump’s inauguration. Michele’s post said, “This experience of a broken nation showed itself in my own physical body.” Yeah … It was probably the unhappiness and hate from the “broken nation” that caused it, not the naked narcotics and rum parties.

But it didn’t stop there. Michele literally forced white tears onto the page …

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